Generative Dialogues are vital for fostering the true spirit of conversation, allowing meaning to flow through every interaction.

"You may not even know you have an assumption. Only when someone presents a contrasting perspective do you realize you have one. During this process, you may uncover additional assumptions. However, we are all suspending our judgments and examining these assumptions, understanding their implications." ~David Bohm

As biases and beliefs become deeply entrenched, they lead to significant social rifts and polarizations. Amidst the Great Turning, the only way to comprehend the multifaceted aspects of this breakdown is through heartfelt, authentic, and meaningful conversations. Conversations that evoke possibilities from the field of the future and provide a "sacred space" for collective reimagination of a more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.

Unfortunately, the art of deep listening and authentic expression are fading, along with safe spaces for profound dialogues. In our fast-paced world, the time and attention required for thoughtful discussions are dwindling. This leaves a gaping vacuum felt across diverse realms — political, social, ecological, economic, relationship, and leadership.

How can we create and hold space for profound conversations?

The concept of "holding space" has been a recurring theme in my work. I've encountered this phrase in various contexts — facilitation, leadership, mindfulness practices, dialogue circles, and more.

In pondering over the various elements and nuances packed into the phrase "holding space," I considered the levels of awareness or unawareness surrounding these dimensions. When we say, "we are holding space," are we consciously focusing on these attributes? The foundational question is, "what do I mean when I use the phrase holding space?"

The diagram below depicts some of the foundational requirements of holding space.

Invitation is a prerequisite and precedes the actual context of holding space. I recently co-facilitated a conversation where we explored the topic of "Inviting Our Whole Selves". We were considering the questions: "How do we frame a heart-based invitation that welcomes the whole self?" and "What would a wholehearted invitation into a space of co-creative and emergent conversation sound like?"

The goal is to veer away from the pushy, needy, overly persuasive, sales-pitch-like invitations that we often receive. These types of invitations explicitly dictate what participants should expect, what's in it for them, and often come with an implicit understanding of what is acceptable. As I pondered over this and attempted to draft an invite, I realized that an invitation is a living concept. It is open to interpretation and takes on a life of its own once sent out. Given the fluidity of words, how do we frame invitations that faithfully reflect the intention of the space we hope to co-create? Furthermore, even concepts like wholeness and authenticity can be interpreted differently based on worldviews, cultural norms, and individual perspectives.

I've learned that such invitations should not stem from intellect and logic. It's helpful to quiet our constantly chattering mind and delve deeper within. I experienced a distinct difference in the words that arose from deep inside. This is what I wrote when I crafted the invitation:

What does an authentic, heart-based, and courageous invitation sound like?

We all dream of engaging in generative conversations where we are heard, held, and nourished; where there is space for our words, our silence, our soul; where respect, trust, and holding space are the norms.

The critical questions are, "How do we frame an invitation to such a conversation? How do we articulate a vision of inspired co-creation, sensemaking, and emergence?"

Listening is central to holding space. Generative listening taps into the field of the future, into the space of possibility, into what is not yet manifest. The act of being genuinely heard also enables inner alignment and centering where our thoughts and words originate from a deeper place. Otto Scharmer defines listening as "the source of all great leadership." But listening, especially at the deep level is often ignored, underdeveloped, and misunderstood. We are all called to lead at every moment — to guide ourselves, our teams, our families, and our communities. Yet, we often lack the core capacities necessary for effective leadership.

From my many personal experiences participating in circles of deep dialogues, I have found myself expressing thoughts, ideas, and visions that I had been unaware of until the moment of articulation. Being held and nurtured by truly generative listening connects us to a greater level of awareness within ourselves, to our inner knower or Source. This is the place of future possibilities. When we are fully seen and heard, we know we matter. Knowing we matter evokes a sense of worthiness and belonging, which connects us to our inner wisdom, empowering us to give voice to that which wants to emerge through us.

Wholeness is a state that, according to David Bohm, can only be achieved if it unfolds from an individual's entirety. So, how do we create and hold space for wholeness? This term often arises in discussions related to participatory, self-managed, and Next Stage Organizations where Frederic Laloux identifies wholeness as one of the characteristics. I have attempted to unpack what wholeness means to me — and this is by no means a definitive answer. Wholeness is a living concept that means different things to different people in different contexts; we can only lean into what is true for us.

The unique sense of unity that arises when we are in the presence of nature — often experienced as healing, reverence, wonder — comes from feeling whole. In the presence of the innate wholeness of nature, we forget our inadequacies, our sense of unworthiness, and our feelings of helplessness.

When we invite someone to bring their whole selves, what does it really mean? I believe we are inviting them to show up without any masks, without the fear of judgement, retribution, rejection. I believe we are inviting them to be "divided no more." However, it also requires us to show up with our integrity intact. As the poet Rumi said, "If you are here unfaithfully with us, you're causing terrible damage." Therefore, holding space and creating a safe container that welcomes wholeness require all of us to be self-reflective, self-aware (mindful of the impact we create), curious, empathetic, and thoughtful. I have found Liberating Structures and the Circle of Trust process to be useful social technologies and methods in designing such spaces.

Authenticity is not something we have or don't have. It's a practice — a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices, choices that we make every day. “It's the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~Brené Brown

Many people believe that being authentic is about speaking one's mind in the moment, expressing exactly what comes up. However, upon considering this for some time, I encountered several issues. How do I know I am being authentic and not reactive when I speak my mind? Where is my authenticity stemming from? What's the role of authenticity in "holding space"?

I believe authenticity comes with certain prerequisites like self-awareness, courage, and compassion. If my intention is to speak my mind in order to diminish someone else, that is not being authentic but merely revealing my insecurity. If my intention is to speak my inner truth from the depth of my being because those are the only words I can speak in the moment, that is being authentic. This requires us to slow down, become witnesses to our thoughts, and tap into what feels right for us without the trappings of social construct, self-concept, ego-driven fears, and other non-essential baggage we so unconsciously carry around.

It also necessitates holding each other with respect and compassion irrespective of how divergent our thoughts, beliefs, and worldviews may be. One cannot practice authenticity from a place of intolerance, disregard, and disrespect. Authenticity is a choice, a practice, and a way of being that comes from a wholehearted acceptance of self and others. Authenticity arises from the heart, from a space of stillness, presence, and inner coherence. It holds self and others with equal respect and articulates what arises from the heart with compassion and courage.

Emergence refers to the arising of something new that wasn't here before. The art of holding space lies in creating the conditions for emergence to occur. Emergence occurs in the fourth space, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, There is a field” to quote Rumi. It is the "magic in the middle" that arises from the synergy of diverse and unique parts. When individuals bring their distinct, whole, and authentic selves to a conversation, the space and opportunity for emergence are conceived and nurtured. It is at this juncture and convergence of uniquely diverse perspectives and narratives that a New Story — hitherto untold — is born.

Holding space in a particularly elegant and ordered way can give rise to emergence. This means not all conversations will lead to emergence. It's a specific kind of conversation that maximizes synergy and creates openings for the fourth space to show up, leading to emergence. We are on the cusp of a Phase Shift, a Change of Era and we need spaces that facilitate emergence and sensemaking so that we can collectively manifest a new world order, and reimagine new narratives.

Intention plays a significant role. "Intention is one with cause and effect. Intention determines outcome." ~Oprah Winfrey

If we pause to reflect, we can easily see how this matters — especially regarding creating a safe space. People unconsciously pick up on our intentions and the energies behind them no matter what we explicitly articulate. Whenever intentions, thoughts, and actions are not aligned, there is an immediate sense of fragmentation and loss of integrity. Even the subtlest of such shifts are picked up at a conscious or unconscious level and can instantly derail the conversation and the environment.

Therefore, aligning with one's intention and acting from that place of integrity is crucial if we want to create a safe container. But the challenge remains, "How can collective intention be aligned? And what does it take?" I believe collective intention can be aligned and attuned when the facilitator(s) reflect complete honesty and wholeness. In the end, we respond not to words and actions but to the underlying energy. By creating, holding, and invoking an energy that conveys total acceptance, open curiosity, genuine compassion, and true respect, we can elevate the energy of a space.

Questions like "Who holds the intention of the space? How is intention co-created? How important is the power of collective intention? What do we really mean by intention?" often arise.

Otto Scharmer on intention in Leading From the Emerging Future:

"How you shape the field. How you can activate the field by really putting your own intention into the service of the emerging whole. One of the most useful tips I ever got is to really attune your intention on the night before a workshop with what this workshop, or this process, or this community, or you and your work want to be in service of, so to help that community connect with its highest future possibility."

Safety is a key factor in holding space. What are the characteristics of a safe container? What imbues it with a sense of "yes, I belong"? How do we invite people into a sense of belonging? What are the prerequisites to making people feel that they matter? How can we celebrate the uniqueness of each individual while also considering the inextricable interconnectedness of all?

Safety stems from a sense of belonging. Yet, this is a very personal quality. As Maya Angelou wrote: "You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all." This requires us to belong unconditionally to ourselves first. Only when we accept ourselves wholly and fully can we feel safe. Anywhere. In the context of holding space, a safe container can be created only from groundedness and acceptance, inclusivity and acknowledgment.

For a facilitator to radiate this energy, it is essential to tune in and stay centered. The space will lose coherence if the energy feels dispersed, fragmented, and draining. Therefore, holding the intention of the space very consciously and envisioning the highest future possibility is important.

Holding space means to be with someone without judgment. To donate your ears and heart without wanting anything back. To practice empathy and compassion. To accept someone’s truth, no matter what they are. To allow and accept. Embrace with two hands instead of pointing with one finger. To come in neutral. Open. For them. Not you. Holding space means to put your needs and opinions aside and allow someone to just be.